It’s time to open your heart to a Festivus Miracle.
Brothers and sisters, family and friends, Festivus is an everyone-is-welcome December gathering that resists the commercial holiday disorder.
So don’t be a “two-face” when December 23 rolls around. It’s blasphemy to celebrate Festivus with an elaborately decorated aluminum pole or a fancy wrestling mat for the feats of strength.
Instead, it’s time to get back to the heart of non-commercialism with a DIY Festivus for the Rest of Us…on a budget of course.
The Festivus Pole
It would be easy to denounce the purchase of an expensive Festivus Pole. After all, this is a budget post, and the Festivus Pole is just aluminum. Why not go cheap, right? But think about the longevity.
Sure, it would save money to buy yourself a bargain pole. But it may only last for a few years. Rather, why not save up for a quality pole that will last for generations – a Festivus Pole that your great-grandchildren can gather around. Your local hardware store could cut you a piece of aluminum pipe for a few dollars.
Or you could embrace the passion of DIY and find a pole substitute! Items around your house that would make a good Festivus Pole substitute:
- table leg
- baseball bat
- shower curtain rod
- broom handle
- lamp stand
- paper towel roll
It’s Only a Floor
Friends, don’t get caught up in the commercialism of the holiday season. You don’t need to buy a special mat or new flooring for your Feats of Strength.
In fact, carpet burns, bruises, and splinters are as much a part of the Festivus tradition as the “Airing of Grievances.” So don’t throw your money away on a cushioned mesh surface or new wrestling mats. Whatever surface you have in your home is perfectly suited for pinning your family members to the floor.
Remember, it’s not the type of floor that matters; what counts is that you wrestle with loved ones this Festivus Season.
Festivus Dinner Re-Imagined
There’s no need for one family to spend hundreds of dollars on Festivus Dinner. Such an atrocity would send the founding father of Festivus into a riotous frenzy!
In the spirit of Festivus, and in the spirit of saving money, have everyone ‘Do It Themselves’ when it comes to dining. Invite all of your family and friends to bring their favorite food to your Festivus celebration. It’s a Festivus Pot Luck Miracle!
And don’t bother with expensive table dressings and decorations. Let the kids adorn the dinner table with miniature paper mache models of the Festivus Pole and the Feats of Strength.
Wherever you find yourself this season, stay true to the heart of Festivus. Get back to your roots. Enjoy quality time with your loved ones as you gather around the table and tell them all how they have disappointed you over the past year.